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Anywhere county court 2018: send in the clowns

10 February 2017 / Kerry Underwood
Issue: 7733 / Categories: Features
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A play by Kerry Underwood

The scene: One of the four remaining county courts. A personal injury small claim hearing is taking place.

 

Judge: “Good morning. Please introduce yourself.”

 

Claimant’s representative : “I am Fat Fred from the Dog and Duck.”

 

Judge : “I have a note from the Ipswich Union Insurance Company saying:

 

`Do your worst–£400.00. In fact as part of our corporate social responsibility kick throw in the extra £25.00 for the psychological injury—that will get a nice bunch of flowers.’”

 

Fat Fred: “I want as much as possible as quickly as possible. I am on 60% of damages.

 

Judge: “You mean 40% for you and 60% for your client?”

 

Fat Fred : “I know what I mean. I am a McKenzie Friend. I can do what I want.”

 

Judge : “I see. The medical evidence is from a Doctor Doolittle Is he here?”

 

Fat Fred : “Yes, that’s me. I am a McKenzie Doctor—cheaper and I just make the evidence up.”

 

Judge

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